Cher and my toxic armpits

So I bought one of the new Gillette razors that is not only accented with lime green but it has a battery in it which, when you push the button on the handle, causes the razor to vibrate giving you a closer shave. I could not be deeper in love with this razor. I know back in the day I would go on and on about how much I love the Schick Quattro, but honestly Gillette has rebounded quite nicely from the shock that Schick gave them with the four razor blade action. Gillette, my heart and my face belong to you.

I was watching �Game Show�s Funniest Moments III� last night and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks: Matt LeBlanc is the Tony Danza of our generation. Am I the first to say this? I can�t be because I�m sure someone has written about it and they�ve talked about it on Access Hollywood but I just failed to catch on. Matt LeBlanc doesn't know how to tapdance does he...cause if he does then you can find me under my desk doing the *hands behind the neck* drill waiting for the second coming.

An odd dream I had a few days ago: I�m sitting on a bench when in walks Cher. She sits down and asks me how my weekend was. I told her it was good and then ask her how hers was. I then stop myself and ask her if she really as weekends to relax since she probably has stuff to do all the time. She said she does, in fact, have weekends to lounge around. Pierce Brosnan showed up for no good reason (surprise) and I got into a fight with a bum who was telling me I was going to hell. He said I was going to hell because I was gay but my thinking is that he was just upset because earlier in the dream I told him I didn�t want to help him build his snowman. Whatever bum...and whatever Pierce Brosnan.

Two more work days until the delovely three day weekend blesses up with it�s presence. I plan on sitting on my booty, watching movies, and entertaining my parents when they come to visit Saturday. There will be no blood shed on the dance floor as I will not be driving into the city. I say that now but since I get paid on Friday I can just tell that I�m going to get a phone call saying everyone is heading into the city. Then I�ll get a call on Sunday saying that because it�s Memorial Day weekend, we�re all going to JR�s for 1 dollar Skyy drinks. Last time that happened we witnessed someone getting a rim job at the bar. That does not constitute a repeat...but the 1 dollar skyy drinks do.

It�s my turn to hit the shower and get myself ready for work. When pulling out my outfit last night I noticed that my new purple polo shirt from the gap is ruined. For some bizarre fucking reason the armpits have been bleached pink. I seriously don�t think my sweat is toxic...unless of course I�ve been out drinking. Either that or my sweat is so fucking queer that it turns fabric pink. You'd think my faggoty ass would have been happy with purple but my pits said "honey, what we need on this body is some pink, ok?" But honestly...how does that happen? Is my deodorant funky? Nothing else has been bleached. Motherfucker...I really liked that polo. Now I need to figure out something else to wear which I hate doing in the morning which is why I do it the night before. UGH, fuck it.

e.