2004-06-03 - 12:06 p.m.


 

Eric goes to the dentist

On my way into work this morning the guy driving in front of me was talking on the phone and reading the newspaper. What.the.fuck?

I began my morning yesterday with a trip to the dentist. I have not been in two years and my teeth were in dire need of some attention. This was a new dentist and was chosen because of it�s proximity to my work. Like L�Oreal Feria, my cleaning was multi-faceted and my teeth/gums had many tones and highlights of red during the procedure.

I was told that I am a good brusher but a bad flosser. I should hang my head in shame because of it and I walked out of there with all these mouthwash and floss samples in my hands as proof to the mothers in the waiting room that I was walking out the door a shamed man.

The cleaning itself wasn�t terrible. They took x-rays and then my hygienist went at my teeth with that pokey thing with a hook on it. The fun part about that was it was electric. The pain factor was about the same as the stand still one but it was over much faster. When she finished with that she switched it up to another gadget that shot some sort of water type solution that managed to spray all over my face as she was tearing away at my gums. It was stinging a lot and she never told me until after she was done what the hell was going on. Apparently waiting for two years before having your teeth cleaned it�s the best way to go and when you�re a horrible person like me who doesn�t floss like a maniac on a daily basis it tends to invite gingivitis. She broke up that party by blasting my mouth with a baking soda solution. The gingivitis was sad to leave and my gums showed their remorse by bleeding. I guess it�s only natural.

The dentist who owns the practice came in and without informing me what he was doing, leaned my chair back really quick, opened my mouth, felt around, barked �open�close�open�say �ah�� and then shut my mouth. I was suddenly a dog at Westminster. This judge was not pleased�in fact this judge was a total dickhole. Condemning me for drinking coffee with coffee mate and that I�m just giving my two small cavities food. What I wanted to say was �oh yeah, well you�re ugly.� What I said was �I�ll see you in 6 moths.� The chick then handed me a sample of Act mouthwash and let me know that this was something I could buy at the grocery store. It was over the counter and available for immediate sale at Giant, Safeway, and Shoppers. She went on like I had never been down the tooth care aisle at the grocery store. Whatever.

So, quotable quotes for the past few days are as follows:

Gary: I don�t want to go out during pride�it�s too crazy.

Me: True, plus all the ugly trolls who never go out will be cruising the streets.

Gary: Yeah, but they have money.

Me: Well then they need to buy new faces.

Hygienist: You put down on your form that you require nitrous oxide for treatments.

Me: uh huh.

Hygienist: Do you know what it is?

Me: yes.

Hygienist: Do you need it for cleaning?

Me: well, are you going to stab me with anything?

Hygienist (not one to get dry humor): Heavens no.

Me: I�ll be ok then�but put it on tap for next time.

Hygienist: ?

That�s what the world has been giving me thus far. I�ve been out of sorts recently as my boss has been on vacation this week and will be gone next week as well. This leave the company in my hands should the VP choose to not be here for a day. He leaves before I do so there are moments when I�m sort of running the show. That scares me. It�s lunchtime and my Campbell�s soup is calling me. I should probably floss afterwards.

e.

Diaryland