Eric-isms

The following entry is brought to you by my sister company and co-host on twomothers. Here are some quotes, �Eric-isms� if you will, from emails that I have sent that mother over the past. I hope they make you laugh. Enjoy.

�I went to Subway on the way back and that mother was packed like a mo fo with a whole bunch of slapfucks that are doing the "jarrod". I swear, the thing they need to know is, you can't order ANYTHING on the menu and still have it work for you. A 12" meatball sub with cookies, potato chips, and a coke is not going to make you look like skinny minnie, but who am I?�

�I'm trying to find a connection between squirty toots and speaking dolphin...it could be synonymous...as in "I just spoke dolphin to the toilet", etc. That one wasn't as good as others that will probably populate my brain when this email is sent. Anyway, start those wheels a churnin.�

�Tell me why I feel like a penis with my tie on every fuckslapping day of the week? This dick needs to get a new jobby-job. It's like wearing a cock-ring with none of the benefits,�

�Ok, so I never have any voicemail, right? So, I check these mothers all the time just in case someone psychic found out my phone number as no one has it except the family. Anyway, every time I check it, the voice says "you're mail box is empty". You know how you usually hit * to log off of voicemail? At least, that's been the case for me at all my other jobs, and once you hit * it says "goodbye". Well, when I hit * it repeats "you're mailbox is empty". So, I've been hitting * over and over again and it sounds like I'm scratching some records on a turn table...it's flawless. It goes something like this:

"Yo...Yo...Yo...You're mail....You're mail...You're mailbox is empty" ( I repeat this several times as I never get tired of mixing these mothers)�

�I'm in prison girl, surrounded by firewalls.�

�In addition to Jackass the Movie..you need to buy "Old school" tomorrow ASAP and then watch it and tell me how much you love Will Ferril and Vince Vaughn EVERYDAY. I'm sure there's commentary. I'll be taking this train to best buy to pick up my own copy. If I'm not a mascot trying to jump through a ring of fire...then I dont konw what I'm doing on the planet.�

�I'm suffering girl...like a cat in heat with no way out the door girl. I just keep Meowing to no avail...which reminds me, my new mantra is KOKO girl. KOKO stands for Keep on Keepin on.�

�I have my regular order at the deli downstairs in front of me. Bagel and cream cheese, OJ, and a double espresso. If that doesn�t get things moving, I don�t know what will.�