Peppers and Cottonballs

So many things to say. Ok so there are past memories, the story of my ass from yesterday/this morning and a few other things I'm forgetting right now. Without further ado, hold on to your hats people because here we go. TICK TICK BOOM *AIR HORN*

Memories:

In pre-school we were tasked with doing some sort of craft project. On the floor, our teacher spilled out a bunch of cotton balls for us to use. I can't remember what the assignment was because we never got around to crafting these mothers. Instead, one of the hungrier children decided that the cottonballs looked enough like marshmallows (I'm assuming) so he ate one. Then he threw up. He was really hungry. I mean, since when do we ever work in an edible medium? Ok I take that back, and it's a good transition into the next memory.

In second grade we were given a peice of waxy paper and a tub of chocolate pudding. We were to finger paint with the pudding and the bonus of the assignment was that we could eat our painting. Lemme say here and now that I think pudding is gross, in both texture and taste. I was also not big on getting my hands dirty so I sat there. Everyone seemed to be having a good time but I was like "am I to understand that I'm supposed to get my fingers all sticky and do something that resembles monkey's playing with their own shit? Screw you Mrs. Siever, I'll be right here with my clean hands folded in my lap."

So this morning I had two realizations. Number one was that after the coffee mate incident I should have taken more care to clean off the bottle itself because when I reached for it this morning I found out that if I let go, it would still be stuck to my palm. Rather than clean it off right then and there, I put it back in there, washed my hands and then went back to primping myself for the day. I then went back for a refill. Did I wash it off? What do you think?

So yesterday I lifted weights which I hadn't done in a few weeks and on Wednesday I went running. Eric gets hungrier than a mofo when he does this stuff so post weight lifting I'm standing there in the kitchen jonsin for some food. The only thing in there that didn't require cooking were picked products and cheese. Now, normally this wouldn't have been a problem but my stomach was empty save the water I was drinking as I was pumping iron and jamming out to Cher. I hear Arnold likes to pump cher too. Anyway rather than being sensible and having cheese and crackers first, my dumbass decides it would be a good idea to stand over the trash can with an unfinished jar of pepperoncini peppers and eat them all, chucking the stems in the trashcan. I think I had about 12. I then ate a little too much swiss cheese.

I go to Homodepot and Lowes for birthday presents for the father figure and I suddenly get the sensation that my ass could power the concorde. I attempt to stage off the afterburn as it were and hope it will pass. Dr. C asked me why I was walking around with a zombie look on my face. At the time I didn't have the strength to repeat the whole story. So this morning I wake up and have my two cups of coffee on an empty stomach, complete with sticky fingers. This is always a fun thing to do to your system especially when there's burning peppers fermenting in your colon. Dr. C gets ready to head out and Idecide I'm going to drive into work myself and will stick around the house for a few minutes. He leaves and the floodgates open. Thankfully it wasn't painful as i had predicted. My guess is the Cracker Barrel baby swiss had some time to work it's neutralizing magic and I was saved from having to get the fire extinguisher. I'm not nauseaus from having such an empty stomach. I can't win today.

Both of my bosses are gone and I have a few tasks at hand but I need to wait on a third party to hand over some slides before I can say all my work is done. Damnit. Until then I'm going to find something to eat. Note to self: stay away from peppers and cottonballs. You heard it hear first. BTW: This entry was brought to you via wordpad, with no spell check so excuse the errors. My government issues PC doesn't want to open MS Word. It also believes that I am not hooked up to a printer. It's a good thing I don't do any work or I could be in trouble.

e.