gotta light?

*CLAP CLAP* Wake up people! It�s time to hear the amazing story of �Eric and his Mysterious Lighter Disappearance.� It�s actually not a mystery, I know where all my lighters are, but it just so happens that instead of keeping one in my murse* like I usually do, they decided to have a fire drill when I accidentally picked it up upside-down.

*I call my bag my murse because it�s a man-purse for the love of god and anyone else who feels like calling it a �messenger bag� can go right ahead, but I�ll tell you right now, I am no messenger, although people sometimes feel the need to kill me.

I usually have three or four lighters that stick together like the Golden Girls, or Golden Palace depending on the number. Anyway, every once and a while they manage to escape and I�m usually too lazy at the time to put them back or separate them so that I have one in m y bag, one by the ashtray on my deck, one on my nightstand, one in the bathroom. I don�t like to separate them because I like to imagine them having parties and carrying on conversations about politics and my hair.

I get into my car this morning not remembering that I do not have any lighters on me and proceed to drive to the metro station. I pull out what is my last cigarette and since I had one pack of matches in the car, THANK GOD, I strike one up, get on the beltway, and I�m cruisin along, jamming out to my favorite (at the moment) song (the Junior Vasquez Pride remix of Cher�s �One by One.�

I get off the train knowing good and well that there are no more cigarettes for Eric. I run upstairs to get my notebook, drop off my lunch, and head back downstairs to get some money. The deli-ish type thing on the first floor of my building is amazing. They have great sandwiches, bagels, coffee, espresso, etc. It seems that the workers there have taken a liking to me and as soon as they see me they start making a double espresso and ask if I want an everything bagel with cream cheese (which they NEVER skimp on). Realize now, that the only ATM in my building is in this deli and it�s positioned right at the entrance. I need to be spy-tech and get in, get money, and get out, all while going unnoticed by my friends behind the counter. (I started with the no-carb thing and I don�t want to feel bad turning down a bagel or espresso after they already start making it for me.)

I get cash, slip out of there unnoticed, because as Pork Tornado

has said, I�m a ninja. I buy cigarettes for an insane amount of money, and I�m on my way to the other building I work at. I pack my cigarettes, put one in my mouth and then fumble around like a fool looking for fire. I suddenly get a mental image of all my lighters lying on my bedroom floor looking like corpses. This makes me angry, as now I have to make a second stop. I buy a lighter from a convenience store on the way over for a dollar and enjoy myself before stepping into the pit of despair also known as 800 Independence Ave, SW.

I�m now sitting here talking to my sister, Kristin

about Chinese war cries and what they might have sounded like, or if they ever had them to begin with�any thoughts?

My boss isn�t in and I don�t think he will be for today AND tomorrow. Me left unsupervised is never a good thing. I�m fun if I�m your co-worker but a handful if you�re my boss. (that should be on my business card)

If that is indeed my current situation then look for a second entry today. This one wasn�t too funny unless you�re a smoker and you know what I�m talking about�or if the remix of �one by one� is also your favorite song at the moment. This entry looks like I need a drink.

e.