Avery

So, the new look is up and I seem to have more comments than usual, but I think partly due to the fact that my party people in crime, namely my sister, has put up a funny entry and linked me on it. Regardless, the new look is here and I have some explaining to do since the title says, �Hit it Avery� with pictures of Lemurs all around it. The Avery story is much funnier than the one about the lemurs but that too, will be explained.

Ok, so my 11th grade English teacher Mrs. Reeves was all about mother participating in class readings. I don�t know why I was such a retard and signed up for honors English that year knowing good and well that she was nazi-esque. I had her for my English class in 10th grade and I guess I was hoping beyond all hopes that having honors English would help me in some way get into a decent college. I�m not sure Florida State counts as a decent college, but I was also lazy and didn�t apply to really good schools.

We were reading Death of A Salesman, and whenever we read fucking plays, it was her favorite thing to call on kids to read out loud. She would take volunteers first, and then when the same people kept raising their hands because they were in fucking drama class, she would pick people at random. I forget what part I was called on to read against my will, but my dialogue opened the chapter we were reading so she stood in front of the room, pointed to me and said �hit it Avery.� This was my queue to start reading and had she not pointed at me at the same time I would have had no fucking idea who she was talking about. I had this woman for an entire year before this class, and for some reason, she had it stuck in her mind that my first name was Avery. I didn�t correct her as I was too shocked to do so at the time, so I �hit it� and read the part I was assigned.

It was several days before I realized that there was a student in my class the previous year whose last name was Avery and I guess since we both had blond hair she got us mixed up. Let me just say right now that we looked nothing alike, didn�t sit near each other, and he was a better student. I suppose I should have taken it as a compliment that she confused the two of us, but the guy that she mixed me up with wasn�t in any of her classes this year, and she took roll everyday. She was a little on the older side, maybe early 60s, and seemed like she had possibly done a little too much acid in the 60s. This made her a trippin� Nazi, which actually amused me to no end, so I let her continue calling me Avery for two months until she figured it out.

I guess that really wasn�t that funny of a story, but sound of her saying �hit it Avery� for the first time is burned into my cranium and if you were here in person, I would do an impersonation of her which would probably result in more laughs than this entry.

There was a spin-off of Avery for a little bit when my sister started calling me Ravery because I used to go to many a rave-type club during my early college years.

Ok, so now the Lemurs�

Upon meeting someone for the first time, one of the few things I do is figure out what animal this person reminds me of. It�s usually based on outwards appearance, especially facial expressions. My boss right now looks like a gopher and I have several friends who I think are dead ringers for turtles. I�m sure they would slap me down like a 2-cent whore if they knew this, but they don�t. What animal are you, you might ask? Well, send me a picture and I�ll tell ya! I usually don�t divulge what animal I think people look like and no one besides Kristin and Dr. C. even know that I do this. I�ve come across people who look like birds, sharks, hamsters, and fish. Well, the boss I had at one of my first jobs looked like a Lemur and she would be referred to as such between Kristin and myself. She was really skinny, with big eyes, and whenever someone would come into her office and say her name, she would be frantically doing something at her desk and the suddenly freeze and look up at you with the same expression as the lemur in the �contact me� picture on my diary. She looked like she was prepped for you to come running at her with a butcher knife. I hope that the people I choose animals for also carry some of their traits. I�m not sure if she was a skilled tree climber, but she had the limbs for it.

I just discovered that my boss is here today after being absent without telling me yesterday. We�ll see how productive I choose to be for him. My bet is on none. Like I said before, I�m a handful if you�re my boss.

It�s Friday, I�m not being funny, and I don�t like the socks I have on.

e.