hey mothers

I�ve been away all week because I�m a lazy ass bastard. You wanna do something about it then I�ll meet you on the corner of 7th and D, SW. Believe me when I tell you I fight dirty, often with broken glass bottles.

So this morning I was still groggy and had a conversation that went something like this:

Dr. C: Why isn�t it cold out side?

Me: What?

Dr. C: Why isn�t it cold outside?

Me: It is cold outside.

Dr. C: No it isn�t.

Me: It isn�t what?

Dr. C: It�s not cold outside.

Me: Right, it�s cold outside.

Dr. C. No, it�s not cold outside.

Me: What? How isn�t it not cold outside?

Dr. C. Why is it not cold outside?

Me: It�s supposed to be chilly.

Dr. C: �But it�s not.

Me: Oh, you�re saying it�s warm?

Allow me to explain the situation here. I was still sleepy, half-watching Matt Lauer bask on the beach in the British Virgin Islands, and trying to hold this conversation. It sounded like Dr. C was talking with a whole bunch of double negatives and I was confused as to whether or not he was trying to say it was cold or if it was hot. Our apartment is hotter than hell. So hot in fact that you cannot sleep with any sort of covers on because we don�t regulate the heat and our apartment is so nicely nestled above the boiler room. They call it the boiler room for a reason�it�s fuckin hot.

The light in our kitchen went out a couple of days ago and not a day (or hour) goes by where I don�t walk into the kitchen and flick the switch. I was in the extra bedroom on Tuesday trying to open the blinds because it was such a nice day outside and I wanted to let some fresh air in to ventilate the apartment and not have it feel like a cave. I go to pull the cord and watch as the entire fixture came crashing down onto the radiator, and then the floor, like a really bad and noisy slinky. It made a very satisfying noise and suddenly I was standing in front of the open window in my jammies, still holding the cord. It was like the time in Money Pit where Tom Hanks watches the entire chimney fall in on itself. There�s not much you can do but watch and laugh really, really hard.

I�m too lazy to call the apartment people and I know it�ll take forever and a day to get them to get out there and change a light bulb. I wonder if they�ll just give me one. The window thing may take some more time and require electric tools like a drill. I just don�t have the energy or strength to deal with something of that caliber, especially since it�s not in my bedroom. I had a dream that I went to get my haircut and the guy kept cutting his hair instead of mine. I was like dude, you�re supposed to be cutting mine. He ignored me and continued to butcher his own hair. Whatever. Friday before a three-day weekend spells lazy over here and I�m sure around lunchtime it�ll be a ghost town. Cheers to that. There are plans for another Sunday outing, but after what happened last time, I may decide to sit this one out. I�m sure I�ll be coaxed into it, but for now anyway, I�m planning on laying low and not celebrating Presidents Day with an ass licking. Happy Friday!

e.