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It�s �formality Friday� here in D.C. and that means that the government is basically at a standstill. It also means that as a government contractor, I will participate in the formality of Friday be leaving early. Three cheers for that!

This entry will be dedicated to going number 2, matters of the feces, or glazing a ham, whichever you like better. (I prefer glazing a ham)

I myself cannot go number 2 in a public bathroom unless it is a dire emergency. This has only happened to me a couple of times and since I have an hour long commute home, I really have no choice in the matter if the need strikes me while I�m at work. (If there�s a turtlehead poking out, I really have no choice but to surrender and lay down the law). When these situations arrive, I find it best to go a floor I do not work at and use their bathroom so that my shoes are unrecognizable. Whenever he needs to drop the kids off at the pool, my boss always says he has to �hit the head� whatever that means, and I hate the saying. I don�t have any particular reason to hate it, but I always make a disgusted face when I hear him say it.

Even though I do not like going number 2 in public, I always seem to be in the bathroom when everyone else chooses to deposit a brown slip(s).

The best story I have about shitting at work was when I used to work in Annapolis for another government contracting place. There were only one set of bathrooms for the entire floor and I always had to walk by them in order to get to and from the elevators when I went outside to smoke. I was walking by the bathrooms one day and noticed that there was an �out of order� sign on the women�s bathroom. I sat in an office with this chick I shared a lot of work with so I was asking her what the deal was with the bathroom being out of order. I didn�t see any cleaning people, and hadn�t heard about any service being done in the bathroom, which usually gets posted so that mothers know they need to go to another floor. Well apparently, one of the female workers had a serious emergency and I guess couldn�t� make it all the way to the stall and took a shit on the floor. I like to think that she was just really fucking pissed at everyone and decided to act out her anger in a display of unsanitary actions to include taking a crap on the floor. When I heard this happened, I couldn�t help but laugh and picture every woman on the floor dropping their trousers and making a pile of poop sticks. I just don�t see how someone could have done this without being seen since there were multiple stalls in each bathroom.

All I have to say is that is the best thing that every happened in that place and I would pay so much money to find out who did it and shake their (washed) hand. Three Cheers to the disgruntled employee!

Now, whenever I get pissed at work, I feel the need to take a crap on the bathroom floor, although I think a better route would be to shit on the desk of whomever caused me to get upset in the first place, however I am hindered by the fact that I cannot even do this in a bathroom stall, let alone in do in out in the open like that. I�d be a horrible person to take camping, as I would probably get lost trying to find a spot as far away from everyone as possible to do my business. Oh well. This entry is a bust. Here�s an amusing picture to think about and discuss:

I�m leaving here at 12 (it�s 11:15 now, so by government standards�it�s 12�BYE!)

e.