2007-10-18 - 4:06 p.m.


Dude, where the fuck have you been?

Meeting minutes

I have a standing meeting every morning at 10:30 to discuss current issues with the system that just went live. Each issue is logged into a monster of an excel spreadsheet and we go over the status of each issue with the tech team. If you are the one that raised the issue to begin with, then your name is tied to that issue for eternity. My name is not tied to any issue anymore yet I am still required to attend. Does this make sense? Me thinks not. I have taken to calling this meeting Drawing 101 because all I do is draw on my issue log that is printed out on legal size paper. I should really change the name of the class to Calligraphy 101. I only allow myself to write in cursive during the meeting and will write random things that pop into my head along the border of the spreadsheet. Things written in recent memory (with comments):

• Bea Arthur is a goddess
• It bothers me that the squares aren’t the same size. (referring to the spreadsheet grid)
• Symmetry is key. (see above)
• Betty White is my hero (what’s up Golden Girls theme)
• My wrist hurts, and not for the reasons one might think
• Hi Shelle!
• Kevin is my alter ego
• Chipotle or Panera? (Chipotle)
• I’m hungry (surprise)
• Where can I buy ammunition (more on that later)
• I wonder if I have an ulcer. Shiny (wtf?)
• What’s up with French tips (seriously though)
• Inky rules! (my favorite Pac-man ghost, tied with Clyde because due to the fact that his name does not follow the “inky” naming convention, I think he was adopted)


Microsoft Outlook must be the first program opened when I get into work in the morning. I cannot have any other program in the bottom left of my screen. If for some reason, I have 10 programs opened and I accidentally close out Outlook, I also close out every program, then reopen outlook.


I just recently went to Argentina and because I have zippo knowledge of Spanish apart from my awesome fake Spanish accent, I need some help. I work above a mind-blowingly awful mall that actually has a B. Dalton in it. What the hell? So, I go to B. Dalton and pick up what I think to be an ok guide to Spanish. It’s 6 dollars, has a grammar section, phrasebook, dictionary, and is not gigantic. As I start reading through the phrases, I notice they sound somewhat peculiar.. There are also stereotypical illustrations of Latin Americans, complete with those crazy mustaches. I then flip to the front, look at the copyright, and notice that this book was put in circulation in 1956. In the 50s it was, apparently, necessary to know the following phrases:

• I need to send a telegram. (Telegram, people…telegram)
• Where can I buy ammunition?
• Where can I go fishing for a barracuda? (what?)
• I will be 30 in 1967.

Someone please re-shelve that book under humor.


In everyplace I’ve worked, I’ve always had a favorite bathroom for #2. Currently, I use the 16th floor since that is where all the officers sit. Since they all have bathrooms in their own office, I figured that the one open to everyone is seldom in use. I was correct and don’t think I don’t ride the elevator up to 16 everyday. I’ve only had encounters with another bathroom customer 3 times. When this occurs I play Ms. Pac-man on my cell phone until they leave and commence the bombing.

My boyfriend’s brother has a porn tape titled Crappy Happy. I was very disappointed when I found out that it had nothing to do with scat.

I’m pretty much tapped out y’all. Thanks for letting me visit KP, see you on the flip.