My morning is peppered with specialness

I�m pissed this morning. Actually, I�m still hungry, which has led to my pissy-hood along with the fact that I just threw the rest of my egg/cheese/sausage sandwich away. All night last night I was thinking about how I was going to get up a little early and have enough time to make myself an egg/cheese/sausage sandwich for breakfast. I love breakfast and it loves me so I get up early this morning, creep into the kitchen (my new worst enemy) and get this morning party started.

Step One: get pan and begin heating up teflon.

Step Two: get eggs and mix in a bowl

Step Three: locate toaster...locate outlet for toaster...oh, that�s right, there�s only one outlet in the kitchen and it�s on the empty wall and it�s too high for the cord to reach if I put the toaster on the floor.

I should have taken this as a sign of things to come but I proceeded because I am no quitter. I get the milk to pour into my egg mixture for consistency purposes and realize that it still has one of those pull off ring things. I pull, I pull too hard, and then milk goes flying. I try to clean it up but realize that I have the pan heating up and I need to get these babies in the pan, and fast. I cave in and put the toaster oven on the floor in the living room while I race back and put some salt and pepper in the eggs before plopping them into the pan.

I have two disposable grinders. One for salt, one for pepper. I bought them at (for anonymity purposes) Jrader Toe�s. They last a while and then you just throw the whole thing away and buy another for like 1.95 or something. So I grind some salt and then apparently do not realize the power of my own forearms and manage to break off the top of the pepper and witness what looked like 1) A bajillion mexican jumping beans 2) bouncy rodent turds or 3) Eric spilling whole black pepper corns all over his kitchen and all in his eggs. Bravo.

I attempt to scoop out as much as possible but it�s just not happening as fast as I would like it too so I say �fuck it, I like pepper we�ll just go with this.� Bad move. I�m toasting on my living room floor, my omelette now looks like it has seeds in it, and I�m trying to find the grated cheese to sprinkle on for an added bonus.

I remember I wanted some OJ so I got some at the store and now since it was about the time everyone else had OJ, I thought I would join in on the fun. The OJ also had one of the same type ring/pull off deals. I didn�t want to spray that everywhere because who wants to play russian roulette with orang pulp? Not me, sister. I then hand over the honors of pulling the ring off to my left hand. Lefty is a bit rusty when it comes to things of this nature because quite frankly, it never does anything like it. Lefty put forth too much effort, most likely caused by over excitement for getting so much attention. *Pull ring...right hand goes bananas with jealousy, OJ everywhere*

Now everything is done, my floor toast is toasted, my black spotted eggs are done and I have a glass of OJ that leaves a nice orange ring on whatever surface it has just touched. Clean it up you say? Why don�t you kiss my ass.

I�m eating my sandwich and since the bread has pieces of grain and other nuts in it, I bite down on something hard and try to figure out quickly if it�s pepper or not. I�m right 70% of the time. The other 30% I make an extraordinary face known as the �pepper grinder.� When I do find one, I spit it on my plate and it kinda looks like I�m spitting watermelon seeds only without the distance contests or the fun outdoors.

I still have to take a shower and get ready for work. I dunno if works wants to deal with me like this. If my breakfast is any indication of what I�m capable of, they should be on the look out for 30ml bottles of shampoo to be strewn about the office. I�ve been busier than a one-legged tap dancer and I figured this story warranted an entry. Hopefully I�ll have enough of a break at work to upload some pictures for y�all. Check back later!

e.