Hey Hey

I don�t blame you if you don�t want to read this. I�ve been the worst updater ever. Business if flying fast and furious over here in the D.C. area and I�m on the front lines doing fun things like receiving faxes and sending out UPS packages. I�m surprised I don�t get hazard pay.

Seriously though, nothing extremely exciting has been going down, but I�ll try to make it sound like something did. Last weekend was pride weekend which encompassed tragic drag queens and other queens in general on floats, throwing beads like it was Mardi Gras. I was asked to take my shirt off for some beads. I already had some�there was no need to get nekkid for them, especially for dirty old men who believe that, because it is pride weekend, they have free license to be bawdy with the younger crowd. Hey guess what�it�s not!

Before the parade even started we had a little pre-parade party at a friend�s house that lives along the parade route. It was nice to not deal wit the crowds for awhile beforehand and get our drink on and then bring �to go� cups with us. The parade was uneventful. I can only clap for so many people just carrying banners or politicians trying to get the gay vote. The only redeeming part was when the gay cowboy float came by playing footloose and I did as the song instructed and got footloose. I did not however, kick off my Sunday shoes because it was Saturday.

The parade was followed by a super club experience with a friend of mind DJing and playing 70s and 80s anthems�my favorite part being when he put on the Jefferson�s Theme song. We moved on up�to the boxes and danced for everyone�s enjoyment.

After the dancing and drinking it was time to retire early. Although not my usual practice, I took some friends home on the way and then stopped to yell out the window at a pedestrian. He had no butt and I let him know that �someone STOLE YOUR ASS.� He didn�t� know what to do and quite frankly I wasn�t sure how to follow up on that so I made an illegal turn and we were on our way.

I have pictures of all these things (minus the yelling at the person�s ass) which will be posted as soon as my friend decides he feels like emailing them to me. Sunday is the fair. By �fair� I mean people dress up in disgusting clothes and walk around to the booths pretending to be interested in gay-themed sports/clubs etc but really everyone is looking to either get with someone, or be seen. We stood on the street corner and laughed. The following items were seen on actual people�and they were serious about it:

1. 80s cowboy boots, white, with fringe and self-attached pom-poms�these boots were not made for walkin, they were made to go along with his white short shorts and white fitted t-shirt. I�d place the man in question to be around 45. I almost threw up.

2. Cut off corduroy shorts that literally allowed you to see their underwear. One man wore them in teal and had a very saggy ass which was more than noticeable. Someone else decided that red was more to his liking. These two were seen independently. I hope they met somewhere down the path and decided to take it to the next level.

3. It seemed like white was the new black and people were wearing it like it was going out of style. White shirts I understand, white pants�maybe. This, however, was a street fair, not Key West during the White Party and not in any city during their White Party. Check your calendars queens because you�re overdue for a makeover.

Notable Quotables from the street fair:

Random mother accosting me with petition: Do you have 5 minutes to spare for human rights?

Me: no.

Another random mother accosting me with a petition: Do you live in Virginia?

Me: no.

A friend of mine, to me: I need to get something pride oriented.

Me: like a flag or something?

Him: yeah, but nothing too flashy.

Me: so you want something that says I�m gay and I�m proud, not something that says �I�m a flaming power bottom faggot?�

Him: yes.

I can go forever without seeing the rainbow flag again. I understand the whole �out and proud� thing I suppose but the shock value is now lost on most of the people around big cities. Wouldn�t be more of a proud moment when it wasn�t necessary to have gay themed things and it was just everybody all together? If shock value is your thing then let�s take this parade on the road and do it in the Bible belt. Gays, Guns, and Violence. Super!

e.