Someone arrest me...QUICK.

Where to begin�where to begin. Ok, so�last night was the Ms. Capital Pride contest at Apex, a club I often frequent. So Dr. C, Gary, Christopher, and myself pile into my car and haul it down there. It�s not so much that we love drag shows, but Frenchie Davis was supposed to be a judge and perform. There may have been some hefty black mothers there last night, but Frenchie was not one of them. Score -1 for me. When we walked into the place I went to my friends bar and this random (or so I thought) guy was standing on the corner and he smiled and said �hi� to me like he knew me so I shot him an ugly look and said �bitch..please.� Yeah, it was a friend of a friend whom I have met twice now. I figured this out after I saw everyone else in my party talking to him. Score 1 for me. At least I�m balanced out at 0�for now.

My good friend Mike who�s a bartender there made us drinks�and more drinks�and then asked for a shot. This is where it starts to get ugly/blurry. I met a girl who was there with a �performer.� I put it in quotes because after seeing their dumbass on stage, it seemed more like a living/walking/lip synching dry heave. She was wearing glitter though�and she stole some from the drag queens and gave me some. She gets bonus points.

After Ms. Davis decided she�d rather go to KFC than be at Apex, we left�and went� to another bar. This was after someone (who shall remain nameless) shouted obscenities at a drag queen and then turned around to see that her friends were standing right there. Yeah, it was time to go.

We walk over to the bar up the street and upon walking in remember that shirtless men drink free from 10-11. We walk in @ 11:01 however the shirts have not returned to their upright positions and most of them are hanging from the back pockets of jeans that are too tight for these bitches to be wearing. We inform the bartender that these fat shirtless wonders need to do us and them a favor by covering their guts with the poly-cotton blend. He laughed, although he had no reason too because the bartender was shirtless and he didn�t need to be either. I make video requests and we get a drink that�s 95% liquor, 5% ice. Cut to me making request after request to the video DJ, him playing all my requests and Gary and I dancing like fools (note: there is no dance floor).

A car was peed on and we made it home safely after thinking we would walk into the Leather Rack at some unknown hour. I lost track of time at about 11:00. I get home and the parking lot at the complex is full so I park on the street. Well, funny thing about that because Dr. C got me up this morning by shaking me and then when I got out of the shower said they were going to tow my car. Beau-T-ful. So I high tail it to the street. They are repaving the street and you cannot park there from 7am to 5pm or something like that. I get out there and I�m the only car on the street, the workers are standing around my car shaking their heads and I was like �I�m moving it, damn.� It�s just a civic, couldn�t you guys just pick it up and move it for fuck sake. I get to work and I�m still a little drunk. It�s currently 11:30 and I believe that it�s wearing off and I�m getting progressively tired as time goes by. I�ll be sleepin like a kitten when I get home. I can�t wait. The only other bonus of the evening was that our pictures were taken by different photographers�hope we made the cut. Scratch that�.I know we�ll make the cut. I hope everyone else doesn�t feel so bad having their picture next to ours in print for the world to see. I hope the one of Gary and me throwing gang signs makes the cut.

e.