Top Ten Quotes of the Week

Gather around people, this is the first opportunity I�ve had to update this diaryland mother. The entry will be brief but it�s an entry nonetheless. Here is the top ten quotes of the past week that I have not been able to share with everyone because I�ve been knee deep in soap and liquids.

10. �I didn�t want to use the electric screwdriver� (Me, not remembering the word �drill� and instead substituting what I thought would be understandable�it wasn�t)

9. �It�s Helen�.and she�s frantic� (me, just now to my boss upon receiving a phone call from Helen (obviously)�

8. �If the CEO call, she�s going to ask you what you�ve sold today� (my boss)

a. �I�m no salesman so I�ll just tell her I sold my soul� (my retort)

7. �My cousin has herpes� (said by a friend of mine, very casually while, I was eating my Popeyes Chyaken. He just continued to eat after he said it with no further explanation.)

6. Not a quote but worth putting on the list�I saw a tragic black queen bust out of the Hooters in China town (of all places) and do the Kelis �Milkshake� dance and then prance back into the restaurant.

5. �This order is my BITCH� (me, upon being told that I own the responsibility of orders)

4. �I think that mother was pushing the stroller without looking because she wants someone to kill her baby.� (me upon noticing a �special needs/retarded� infant in a stroller that I had to slam on my breaks to keep from hitting because the woman began walking with the stroller VERY quickly into traffic)

3. �Do I need to vandalize the Ritz?� (me after learning a competitor wanted to be the first to have a product thus making them one up on the Ritz Carlton)

2. �Put the leather jock strap down� (my friend Gary, saying this to me while we were in the Leather Rack in DuPont Circle. I was fascinated by the metal pokey things that were studded all over the front of this garment which was trying to be sold for 85 dollars�whatever Leather Rack)

AND THE NUMBER ONE QUOTE OF THE WEEK IS����*drumroll*

1. �I woke up in the morning not knowing where I was and realizing that there was vomit everywhere and I had shit my pants while I was sleeping� (my friend Luke recounting the story of the �most drunk� he�s ever been�FLAWLESS)

Anywho, that�s all for now, I have many a thing to do but I didn�t� want you guys to think I had fallen off the face of the planet. I�ll post photos over the weekend and then next weekend we�re taking a road trip up to Philadelphia. The city of Brotherly Love better start buy some crutches now because it�s going to be fucking limping after we leave. Cheers and Happy Friday.

e.