2004-04-05 - 12:27 p.m.


 

Parlez vous these mothers

So, last week I had two interviews in one day. I am overjoyed with the possibility of getting out of here. I dream about the day I walk in and tell my boss to kiss my ass and that I�ll be leaving in two weeks.

So, I arrive for the first interview, which is for a company based in London. The US operations office currently consists of four people. I would be number 5. As the fifth member of said company, I would be responsible for a lot of the bookkeeping and accounting. The company sells luxury soap (i.e. Bvlgari) to four and five star hotels. There is a lot of growth opportunity since the company keeps growing and growing and I can basically invent where I would like the current position to take me. I know the director of operations because he used to be my supervisor at an old position I had. He enjoys me (and who wouldn�t)? So, that was #1. I leave there, have lunch with a friend and then head on over to interview #2, which they told me beforehand would take a couple of hours. They weren�t lying.

I get there and as soon as I walk in the door the receptionist said �Eric Peterson? Sign in here and I�ll get Blah to come down.� So, I sign in and wait. A minute or so later I�m greeted by an HR mother. We go into an office for a brief moment before I�m taken into the �testing room.� This is a full time position with the company itself. No temp service is involved here, but apparently it�s such a desirable place to work that there is an intense screening process.

I�m placed in the testing room and set up on the computer to type a memo. I am given a sheet of paper giving a description of some of the rules and then given a situation where someone writes in asking about them and it is my duty as a mid-level secretary to answer him. I have to type a memo back to him and back up my answer, etc. I�m typing in Wordpad so that there�s no spell check. Thanks! In addition to that I�m given a math test that is to be taken without a calculator. Twenty minutes later they return, I give them my stuff, and then I am told that they�re going to start round 2. Round 2? Yes, round two.

I�m set up for a typing test, and an IQ test. Yes, you read correctly. I.Q. TEST. I�m timed once again. Again they come back and I�m finished with the computer/written part of the exam. I�m taken into an HR office and two HR mothers give me somewhat of an overview of the company, who I�d be working for, what that�s like, etc. At this point, about an hour has passed. The results of my tests apparently have come back with rave reviews. It is at this point that they say I�m going back into the test room. They turn to me and say, �we�re going to go get Ms. Testacockalese, one of our associates who speaks French and she�s going to give you an quick interview in French.� Keep in mind that I have not had to speak the language since I was in college and even then I did my best to avoid it and yet still received my B.A. My eyes basically grew to the size of planets and they asked me if I was ok. I said I was fine, just wasn�t expecting to have to parlez vous these mothers.

My French speaking skills have absolutely nothing to do with the position but since it was on my resume they decided it was something they wanted to investigate and (luckily?) they had someone in the office that spoke French. Lucky me. I apparently do fine and I�m finally taken upstairs to meet with the director I would be supporting.

They�re all nice people and actually seem to enjoy working there. Fingers crossed for Eric because I�m supposed to hear this week.

On a more gay note, I�m out at a club on Friday with all the girls and I�m talking to two of my friends (Friend #1 and Friend #2), I then turn away and walk about four feet away to discuss someone�s shoes or something of that nature with another one of my friends. Friend #1 then turns to Friend #2 and says �who�s the guy in the white tank top.� (I�m wearing the white tank top). Friend number #2 then informs him that it�s me. Dumbass. I just finished talking to him. It�s not like he didn�t� know what I was wearing. My back was turned to him, yes but come on. Friend #1 comes up to me and says, �Honey, I totally just cruised you.� Me: �no more cocktails for you.�

It�s a cold Monday in the nations capital and I would like nothing more than to call it a day. However, I have minutes to take from 2:00-3:30. If the meeting runs over I�m going to jump out the window. Mark my words�or take minutes rather, whatever. Minute 3:31, Eric does a header out the window.

e.

Diaryland