my inner tard

Well, it seems my best thoughts happen to me when I�m unconscious. They also happen to be expressed through a special needs kid that went to middle school with me. Whenever I start to read something that starts with �so I had a dream last night�� I usually tune out, even when I am the one who's writing it. In any event if I could tap into my unconscious I would be a much smarter person. I have dreams in fluent French, which is most likely due to the fact that it was my major in college. Last night however, my dream was politically charged. It had to do with Israel, Palestine, and Japan. I was walking in the stairwell and noticed that one of the special needs kids was also in there. Not wanting to stop for a long and confusing conversation I waited a minute before proceeding down the stairs. When I got to the bottom she was holding the door. She followed me to a lunch table in what I assume was the cafeteria. It was 9:30 in the morning and I had a speakerphone on the table. A discussion began with random voices about where a certain group of people should be moved. Russia, China, and Japan were possibilities. The special needs girl busted out with all this political banter and was name dropping like it was her job. She named Japanese politicians (complete with Japanese accent) that would be of help to the move and went down a long list of reasons why Russia and China were bad choices. Her words were coming from my brain somewhere and I didn�t know what to say. She went on to talk about her recent trip to the Southeast region of the White House and how the Red Room had someone working in it. The only thing I knew was that when I looked at the clock I noticed I was late for a 10:00 telecon and then I woke up. I woke up VERY confused�and VERY upset that I actually said, in my dream that I was going to be late for a telecon.

What the hell is going on in my mind? I honestly don�t know. Where did that come from? I don�t know. Apparently when I have something smart to say, I choose to channel it though a mentally retarded 12 year old. Who doesn�t?

Dr. C came into the bedroom after fixing his hair and it looked like he peed himself. We had the following conversation:

Me: So, why did you piss yourself?

Dr. C: I didn�t PISS myself, you�re messy and the counter was all wet.

Me: Whatever, Grandpa.

Dr. C: I�m not Grandpa.

Me: Ok, Grandpa.

This goes back to a conversation we had last night in the car�it went a little something like this:

Dr. C: We�re gonna go to Ruby Tuesday�s this weekend

Me: Ok Grandpa.

Dr. C: I have this coupon�

Me: Yes, I�m familiar with the coupon.

Dr. C: it�s buy one entr�e, get one free.

Me: Uh huh, I know.

Dr. C: Well, it expires this month.

Me: Ok, Grandpa.

Dr. C: It�s like getting free food!

I had more 227 goodness to come home to yesterday and now I�m ready for a full day of being on the phone trying to pay attention to things people say for an hour or two at a time. Good thing I�m updating now because the majority of my day will probably drain any sort of logical thinking and I�ll probably stumble home from the metro drooling and wanting cake. Because as remember from Strangers with Candy, the only thing retards want is cake�they ALWAYS want cake.

I guess I need to let my inner retard out more. Perhaps I can channel her at one of my telecons today. I�ll keep you �posted.�

e.