holiday party

Ah the weekend. It was all about the holiday party and a random trip to a bar downtown. With the week finally over, I went home Friday with the intention to do nothing and luckily that is what I was able to do. There was a trip to Target involved, but nothing that required any primping or tight tee shirts.

I woke up Saturday morning with the knowledge that I would soon be called upon by my former roommate to go and help him set up for his holiday party. That mother was slated to start at 3:00 and tell me why people started showing up at 2:45. I went over there at 11:00 after he had made his trip to Costco for appetizers. We went on a run for mixers and then some other random sauces and dips at Trader Joe�s. We got back to his condo and we cleaned up and then I started with the kitchen madness. Mother has a double oven which was good for having multiple things to cook, however the timer on the oven was broken so it all had to be timed by my watch and my memory. At one moment I had a ham cooking in one oven, two trays of mini quiches in the other oven, and pasta boiling on the stove. I was a madman.

His family showed up early since most of them had other events to attend later on in the evening. They all arrived with more food, as if there wasn�t enough. They were all standing around talking when some of the queens showed up. The following events happened. The circle the family had formed morphed into a football-like huddle. A couple of minutes later they all �had to leave.�

People from that mothers work were the next wave of guests and by this time I was not only setting out food, but had apparently transitioned into carrying around trays and asking people if they wanted quiche. The workpeople ranged from young to senior citizen so when more of the queens showed up they came up to me and said �I walked in and swore I saw Nancy Reagan. Am I at the right house?� The queens soon came in swarms and eventually the condo was a wall to wall rainbow party. I hadn�t seen a lot of these mothers in a long time so it was good to catch up. The Christmas music was playing, Kristin showed up much to the delight of many people, myself included. We scared some people with out synchronized gestures and sayings. Twins separated by four years. I�m not kidding. The piano playing followed with carols being sung by the piano with my roommate accompanying on the cello.

I love Christmas time, but at this moment in time, too many vodka and sodas had been ingested so it was time to shake it down, break it down, and drop it like it was hot. Before I knew what hit me we were downtown at Chaos. It was drag queens akimbo all of whom were real from the waist up. I dunno about the other surgery, but these mothers had some serious knockers. I�ve never been one to tip a drag queen, mostly because the shows I�ve seen have been tragic as hell. However, as soon as I heard the intro to �What�s Love Got to do With it?� and then saw the mother doing the Tina walk and the Tina lip thing I knew this bitch was gonna get some of my money. I had sudden flashbacks to the video. She had the pumps, the denim jacket, everything. As soon as the song was over she stayed on the floor and in my heart of hearts I just knew that Proud Mary was about to be thrown down. Lemme just say that mother threw it down, and got a little more of my money.

I don�t normally go to Chaos, but our friend had never been and being as how he�s a huge fan of the drag we had no other choice but to go. Plus, the DJ will play what I want. I saw the best Tina performance I had ever seen and I also saw the most tragic drag queen ever (yin and yang people). While standing back watching the show, I saw a white stick and heard tapping on the floor. My first thought was someone doing a number with a cane. My eyes soon revealed the truth as it was not a performer, but a patron of the bar who was blind, in drag, and struttin� her stuff with her cane. How does she know she looks good? That�s what I want to know.

After the show the DJ played songs I had requested before the show started and we jammed out for a little bit until our tired asses were ready for sleepy time.

Sunday provided relaxation, Advil, and Gatorade�hooray for that. It�s Monday at noon and I�ve already been to two meetings and a telecon. I hope this isn�t a foreshadowing of things to come tomorrow and Wednesday, but I have a feeling it is. Too much diet coke and no place to go. It�s a shame. This mother is hungry and my home-style chicken noodle soup is calling my name. Blind drag queens aside, the only other big thing to talk about was Saddam getting caught. I�ll leave it up to the more politically minded diary writers to tackle that one. All I had to say when I saw the picture was �I can�t believe his beard got that long over such a short period of time. I wonder if there�s some genetic thing with Middle-Eastern backgrounds that allows you to have facial hair grow at some extraordinary rate.� Anyway, I�m audi�.buhbye.

e.