moving

The next time I have to move I am going to sell my body on the street so I can afford to pay people to do it for me. I figure I�d only have to turn two or three tricks since this is a five-ticket ride. I never want to lift another piece of furniture ever again in my life. Not only was having to lift heavy objects a major part of the weekend, but the Mother Nature decided she wanted to be a little whore and have it sleet and snow the entire time. The first day of moving consisted of lifting heavy furniture and moving most of the boxes that had already been packed. At first Dr. C and I were trotting up the stairs, loading things into the jeep and then driving half a block to unload them into the new apartment. After about two hours of just the two of us moving crap delirium started to set in. I almost slipped on twenty separate occasions and always seemed to have one too many things in my hands and was always in danger of dropping at least two of them. This resulted in me having to duck walk up and down the stairs faster than I should have been to assure that nothing would fall to the floor. Then we both started losing our minds and would have exchanges similar to this:

Me: Is the door open?

Dr. C: Try the door.

Me: *blank stare*

Dr. C: *opens door*

We had help from a friend of ours for Friday night and Saturday during which time we had more fast food than I believe I�ve had in the longest time. My stomach reminded me of this fact after honkin on spicy chicken strips and mashed potatoes with Cajun gravy from Popeye�s. The bathroom came alive. I�m sure it sounded like a fireworks display and smelled like toxic waste. It was like the fourth of July in the Florida Everglades.

The second day was supposed to involve a trip to Annapolis to rent the moving truck to get the couch, love seat, and new bed into the new place to allow a one-day break before the workweek started. Because God hates me, it snowed like a bitch out there in Annapolis and complied a good 8 inches on the ground. I was driving towards the beltway when I got a call from my dad saying we needed to put it off until Sunday. I totally understand that driving in the snow sucks ass, let alone in a moving van so we really had no choice but to wait. There were plenty of odds and ends to move and that took the whole day on Saturday.

Sunday I woke up early and drove down to Annapolis to rent the truck. Upon stepping out of the jeep in the parking lot I hit what I thought was asphalt but in reality, it was a sheet of black ice. I must have slid five feet in a few panic stricken seconds. Moving the stuff into and out of the van probably took no more than half an hour and then all that was left in the other apartment was Dr. C�s fish tank. This was left until last because it would be a pain in the ass to drain the 20-gallon mother, move the fish tank, the stand, set it up, fill it back up, etc. etc. Well, this is all done and the fish are put in their new location. We go back to clean up a few things and I came back into the apartment to see them bobbing up and down in the water. Mothers totally did not dig their new location.

The bonus of the weekend was that we got digital cable and a cable modem installed on Sunday and so now we�re good to go in the entrainment category. Food was an issue so there was a trip to Shoppers Food Warehouse. We got some soda, cheese, pizza, milk, and other random shit. We step outside and all of the sudden I heard this loud *BANG*. I then see 7 or 8 cans of Pepsi One rolling into traffic like their trying to run away from something. Then it hits me: �we bought a 12 pack of Pepsi One.� I then look to my right to see that the 12-pack that was in Dr. C�s hand tore like a motherfucker and those cans were rolling as if their lives depended on it. Not wanting to run into traffic, all we could do is watch these mothers scatter like fugitives. A Suburban caught one of them, but it seems the pressure of a ginormous SUV going 25 mph will squash a soda can like a melon. *POP* All I could do at this moment was laugh. My body hurt so much from moving, I got splinters, paper cuts on cardboard, dead fish, an impromptu ice skating lesson, and now this.

I couldn�t want to be here at work any less right now, but I figure it�s best to save as much vacation/sick time as possible. I know there are more stories that I�m just not thinking of right now because I don�t think my brain is still functioning properly. As soon as it gets bitch-slapped back into gear, I�ll let you know the rest. Until then�

e.