stop me right now

Hey Eric, I think you got into work a little later than usual. What�s up with that?

I�m glad you asked whoever you are, because my commute this morning was like eating yellow snow. I get my booty over to my office building in Vienna, park my car, miss the shuttle, and start walking to the metro. I get to the metro and upon reaching the turnstile, fish around in my bag for my metro card. I have numerous badges, access cards, etc. so sometimes it takes me a moment or two to get the right card out. I don�t seem to be finding it so I step aside so other mothers can go through. I empty out my bag and then I get a sudden image in my head of my metro card sitting on my dresser. (Insert look of disgust/disdain/nausea here). I then notice that my wallet has no green backs in it to buy a farecard. One would think that metro stations, especially major ones like Vienna, would have ATM machines at peoples disposal who don�t have cash or forgot their metro card. Apparently, it�s too easy of a solution and they would rather you suffer and have to go elsewhere. I walk back to my office building, which brings my walking distance total to over a mile, and I get in my car and for some retarded reason, I think that going home to get my metro card is a smart idea. Truth be told, putting my cigarette out in my eye would be a better idea. In order to get to my house from where I park my car, I take I-66 and the beltway. When I go to park my car in the morning, I�m going against traffic since I�m headed away from the city. Going home is the same deal. HOWEVER, if I go home from my parking space in the morning (i.e. Today), 66 AND the beltway are a fucking mess. Before getting the exit ramp to 66, I pull a Knight Rider and flip an illegal U-turn, heading back to my building. I park my car once again and go inside the building to the little store that has an ATM in it. I get a 20 but want to buy something, as I do not want a 20-dollar farecard since my metro card has over 80 dollars on it and it would be a waste. The little store was the one saving grace of my whole commute fiasco because upon entering the store, �Brick House� came on the radio. I buy some gum and then proceed to walk back to the metro�AGAIN. At this moment in time, I�ve put almost 2 miles on my shoes. These boots were not made for walkin�. My feet hurt, my legs hurt, and I seem to have formed some blisters on my heels. Good thing it�s nice and bone chilling outside to make the walk bearable.

That commute coupled with my bedtime of 2:00 makes for a super surly Eric. A quick glimpse of my sunshine soaked mood this morning, as read through an IM conversation I had with Dr. C:

Dr. C: Hey

Eric: how are things

Dr. C: Okay. I am on the phones. How are you?

Eric: pissed

Eric: well, more tired than pissed

Dr. C: Why?

Eric: my commute this morning was hell

Eric: and I couldn't fall asleep to save my soul

Eric: so that = Eric is tired

Dr. C: Well, Jewel will save your soul.

Eric: Jewel can go to hell

Dr. C: Hey, she had to live in a van.

Eric: yeah, whatever

Yesterday when I was walking to the FAA building, I saw a red Honda Civic with a vanity plate that read �4-SHE-Z.� If that�s not the bee�s knees then I don�t know what it.

When I was waiting for my train yesterday on my way home I overhead the following speech given from a ghetto princess to her boyfriend:

�That bitch has five niggas lined up to take a paternity test. You know her first kid finally has a father, but that second one is still a bastard. She tried to TEEEEEEELL me that they switched the DNA. I said �look mothafucka, they don�t switch DNA like that, OK? This is not one of your soap operas so stop acting like a fuckin bitch�.�

I want to be her best friend. This diatribe was full of neck rolls, finger shakes, and facial expressions that made it seem like she was capable of cutting you with a razor blade she probably keeps under her tongue. Unfortunately, she got on the Blue line, and I ride the Orange line. So sad. I�m all kinds of sassy so I may need to hop back on here and give a mid-morning or afternoon update on the countless thing I�m sure will piss me off today. For now this is cupcake, giving the world a big old �fuck you.�

e.