Spaz dances

I mentioned to Dr. C. the other day that I thought it would be funny if the Earth stopped rotating. Think about it. Whatever gravity, I�ll see you in hell!

On the metro ride home yesterday, I started reading my book as soon as I got on and noticed that after the first stop, it was taking the train quite some time to close the doors and move on to the next station. We finally got moving and upon arrival at the next station we waited for a good five minutes before departing again. I really didn�t pay too much attention to this, as I was completely engrossed in the novel. We stopped once again and after some people got on board we sat and waiting. Suddenly over the intercom we hear in a loud and frantic voice: �Passengers exit the train NOW. This train is out of service. Please grab all your personal belongs and exit the train NOW!� You should have seen it. It�s like they told the people on the train that they were about to die if they did not exit the train in 2.5 seconds. It is my belief that being told something of this nature, you have a 3 second window before something devastating happens, and I like to give myself a .5 second cushion for good measure. Anyway, people suddenly flipped out and were scrambling to get off the train, however they did not venture far because they wanted a seat on the next incoming train, which of course just defeated the purpose of getting off the train in fear of a bomb or something because if it was going to go off, they were essentially standing on a land mine. People were talking loud and pushing one another out of the way so that they could stumble off the train and then stand there on the platform like a retard waiting for what sounded like a warning of impending death. All that hurrying to move what amounted to be about 3 feet? The reason for such bold and aggressive instructions were due to the fact that no one on the train would fucking listen if they had calmly said �please do your all you can to see that you quietly wait on the platform for another train coming shortly, thank you.� Being so entranced by my book, saying that the words over the intercom interrupted my concentration was an understatement. I wigged out like a freak and a half and did one of my patented �spaz dances� resulting in light arm waving, an attempt to stand up without bending my knees, and a look on my face like I had just sat on a traffic cone. Oh well, another train came along shortly thereafter, however since we had amassed quite a number of people, it was a struggle to get on and once I did, I had no place to sit for another couple of stops. Damn metro delays, I�ll see you in hell, too!

Another fun spaz dance I did was over the weekend while watching Season 1 of Angel on DVD with Dr. C. We�re lying on the couch, watching the episode when I start to doze off. It�s not so much that I�m full-blown snoring, but I must have gone straight into a REM cycle because I suddenly was having a dream I was in some sort of show. What kind of show, I don�t know, but what I did know was that I had to tap dance. Before actually having to get into the stage, I decide to run through my routine which, for some reason, I knew because I was tapping away and suddenly came to a moment where I had to do �wings,� which is kinda like doing jumping jacks in tap shoes, only slightly more complicated�enter �spaz dance part II.� (I guess it�s really part I since this happened before the metro incident, in which case that one would be part II, but whatever, I�ve had so many spaz dance incidents that the rest of that is just paperwork.) I actually did what amounted to a jumping jack while lying on my side. Picture someone on crack cocaine, with no control of their limbs in an aerobics class lying still on their side and then suddenly trying really, really hard to do side sit-ups. That�s basically what it looked like. The sudden jolt of moment woke me up and after realizing what happened I laughed hysterically for about five minutes.

I made nachos for dinner last night with ground turkey as my meat topping and plenty of cheese and UTZ tortilla rounds as my base. I pity the fool that has to sit near me today, especially since I brought the leftovers for lunch today. Prepare for methane-a-thon 2003: sponsored by Fe-breeze.

For those of you who don�t live in the state of Virginia, consider yourself lucky you don�t have to pay personal property tax on your car every year and have to deal with putting a sticker on your windshield stating you have paid said taxes. Not only is that on my windshield, but there is also a safety inspection you must do every year that also results in a sticker placed on your windshield. Those two things coupled with the DOJ sticker I have from when I used to be a dependant and was able to go onto military bases, it looks my car is authorized for Area 51 when, in fact, it just means that I sent my state some money and my head lights function properly. Fucking Virginia.

It�s only Tuesday and that makes me sad. What is even sadder is knowing that next Thursday is my roommates moving day. Our lease is up Nov. 14th, but he bought a condo and is moving in early. I will be in that apartment of mine for a month without him. The funny thing is, my only possessions in the apartment are what is in my bedroom, the pots and pans in the kitchen, and the coffee maker. I will have plenty of room to either a) hold a barn dance b) throw a kick ass party, or c) move all my bedroom furniture into the living room and sleep there. FUN!

Sorry for the lack of an update yesterday�but I�m lazy.

e.

PS. If you haven�t done so already, you really need to check this out. And you thought we were funny on our own.