tard at work

All right mothers, let me just start by saying that it is C-O-L-D outside. It�s 50 degrees without the wind chill. I�m not sure there�s enough wind to warrant a wind-chill factor, but let it be known that I do not enjoy it one bit. I could easily worn �big leather�* today.

*Big leather is a leather coat I received for Christmas two or three years ago. It was named big leather because it�s a big jacket and it�s made of, well, leather.

For those of you not working in or closely with the Federal government, you may not know that their fiscal year ends September 30th. That having been said, September 30, 2003 is today. This means that all of the budgetary things need to be finalized, entered into whatever system they use and closed out. I have the wonderful job of keeping track of travel money and I keep a running spreadsheet of peoples travel amounts, etc. However, in order to enter these fun numbers, the people that do the traveling actually need to send me their shit so I can see how much to put in the spreadsheet. Today being the day everything is due (actually it was yesterday by COB), I am happy to report that there are still four jackasses that have yet to send me their paperwork. I sent out three emails yesterday and called each person with an outstanding travel voucher, and still they ignore me. I�m gonna have to start crackin skulls.

This morning I come in to the office to find two jackasses had sent their stuff in at the butt-crack of dawn, which if you know how to subtract (additions tricky little pal) you know that now leaves me with two people I have to annoy. Here�s the twist; they all live in other parts of the country, none of them being in the Eastern Time Zone, which makes my job SO much fun as these things were due yesterday and now I have to wait that much longer to get them to fax it to me. I specifically said in each email to fax these things, however I received one email this morning from a guy who sent his voucher to his secretary to f ax. Because the government is so well organized, this one mother lives/works in Oklahoma City, however his secretary is in Herndon, VA, which is about 30 miles outside of D.C. How they figured that made sense is beyond me, and why this mother couldn�t just fax it to me is way over my head. I guess it would be too easy that way. I get �CC-ed� in on an email that he sent to his secretary stating that when she receives his voucher to fax it to me at XXX-XXX-XXXX. I get this email and decide to call her since I haven�t seen the voucher yet and she should already be in the office. I call her up and have the following conversation.

ISNH = Idiot Secretary in Herndon.

Eric = Me.

ISNH: FAA, this is Joe Schmoe�s idiot secretary.

Eric: Hi fucknut, this is Eric Peterson, I was calling in regards to Joe Schmoe�s travel voucher.

ISNH: Oh! Great, I was going to call you sometime.

Eric: ��

ISNH: Joe sent me his voucher yesterday.

Eric: Well, can you send it to me?

ISNH: Oh, you�re supposed to get it? Can we do that?

Eric: Yes, yes you can. I�m not signing it, I just need a copy.

ISHN: I see. Well, give me your mailing address so I can send it to you when I get it.

Eric: You don�t have it yet?

ISHN: Oh no, Joe Schmoe Fed-Exed it to me yesterday afternoon. It probably won�t get here until 10:30 or 11:00

Eric: Well, I need you to fax it to me as soon as you get it.

ISHN: Is that allowed?

Eric: �..

ISHN: I mean, can I do that?

Eric: Yes, yes you can. Blackout his social security number on the voucher and send it to me, I need to get all the vouchers down to Blah Blah Blah. They were all due yesterday.

ISHN: Ok, can I have your fax.

NOTE: The email Joe Schmoe sent to ISHN specifically said FAX TO ERIC PETERSON AT XXX-XXX-XXXX

Eric: It was in the email Joe Schmoe sent you. It�s XXX-XXX-XXXX

ISNN: Oh, ok, that number was in the email Joe Schmoe sent me.

Eric: ��.

ISNH: I didn�t realize that had to do with a fax number.

Eric: What?

ISNH: Do you sign the voucher?

Eric: I already said that I didn�t. You have the voucher signed and then fax it to me.

ISNH: Ok, at the fax number you just gave me?

Eric: YES.

ISNH: Ok, thanks Eric.

Eric: *click*

Why must I work with morons Lord? Why?

Yesterday on the metro I was given the opportunity to eavesdrop on the following conversation. The two fellas knew each other from the military I presume as they were both sporting some sort of military duds, but since they didn�t get on at the same station, I�m assuming they don�t work together.

IMR1: Idiot Metro Rider 1

IMR2: Idiot Metro Rider 2

IMR1: Oh hey IMR2, what�s that you�re reading?

IMR2: *holding up his book* It�s called Salt.

IMR2: It�s about salt.

IMR1: COOL. I read a book about cars once.

I�m sure the look on my face was priceless as I heard the two of them share their literary discussion. Today on the way in I scared the ever loving craps out of myself and almost knocked down the guy sitting next to me. I was dozing off in my normal fashion when someone sneezed. I reacted like a goddamn ninja and snapped my arm back and my body rattled like I was about to have a seizure. I almost took out the mother�s eye that was sitting next to me. Without missing a beat, I just looked at my watch and stared straight ahead for the rest of the ride. I�m a retard.

Ok, that�s pretty much all I have to say for now. I pray that these mothers get their crap in because if not it means I get to be yelled at for things that are out of my control. Shoot the messenger people just shoot him. It will make my day shorter at least�right?

e.