2003-08-19 - 8:32 a.m.


 

dream

Dream:

Dreams absolutely fascinate me. I seem to remember dreams about three times a week, and they are sometimes the standard fair of going to school/work naked, or having my teeth fall out.

Last night�s main attraction in the dream department was a compilation of Eric�s Greatest Dream Hits. It may have had something to do with the NyQuil I�ve been taking since I�ve been a little congested during the day and nothing spells a good nights sleep like NyQuil�I don�t care who you are.

My dream started out somewhat regular with me going to a bagel shop with my roommate and ordering martinis. Two of our friends were there and complained that the hair on the back of their neck was getting too long. I offered to shave their neck, but they declined so I told them to �fuck off� and stepped outside to have a cigarette. When I stepped back into the shop they had convinced the cashier to shave their heads with a straight razor, which solved their problem. I was then suddenly transported to my apartment in Paris where I had to hide somewhere for fear that the Orcs from Lord of the Rings would find me. This has to do with either my fascination for the movie, or me playing too much Legend of Zelda as a child. Instead of the Orcs finding me, a member of the women�s Chinese gymnastics team discovered me and helped me out of my laundry basket and I was safe once I was outside�or so I thought�

Once again, the mothers from Lord of the Rings were back, only they were terrorizing the streets of my neighborhood in McLean, VA. I was handed a sword by some random passer-by and apparently I was the one who was chosen to take these bitches down, but first I needed to go to the Chocolate shop on the corner and get some chocolate covered peanuts. Of course, when I walked into the shop, everyone spoke French* and so I used my mad French skills to ask if they have heard of chocolate covered peanuts. (I forgot to mention that this dream was also taking place in the early 1800s and I was worried that since M&M�s hadn�t been invented yet, they would know what was I was talking about) Luckily they had, so I bought a pound of them and stuck them in my little backpack and headed outside to slice and dice these mothers. (There was no hard candy shell, but I guess I should have been lucky they were open to begin with given the monsters that were terrorizing the streets right outside the Chocolatier.)

*This takes me back to when I went to school in Paris and would have random dreams in French�which they say is good times and you�re supposed to really have a grasp of the language at that point�I would like to say that not having spoken it for about two years�my skills have now petered out to being able to order things�say �I love you,� and perhaps read the headlines of a newspaper.

I ran into a few random friends on the street and discovered that they were members of some sort of army and told them that they should help me fight the evil before they take over Middle Earth (AKA Northern Virginia). They agreed to help out, but we needed to stop off again for a drink. I guess since I already had my chocolate peanuts, there wasn�t much harm in stopping for a cocktail. Thankfully, they had �to go� cups (it was like I was suddenly in Savannah). When I walked out the door, I looked back at the bartender and he said, �thanks for letting me make you your last drink.� I turned back as if in a Hollywood movie and said �don�t worry�it won�t be my last!� (I�m such a dork right now that I can�t even stand it)

By this time, the Orcs had taken over a small little neighborhood of houses and while most of them had already been killed by the army that was holding them back (a la Helm�s Deep), there was one little Orc looking girl that was standing in front of me. She said �you�ll never make it past �blah blah� (she said the name of some demon thing, but I can�t remember the name). I slashed her in half and then looked up to see that the demon she had just mentioned was now scaling the wall of a house. I jumped onto the deck of the house and waited there for this big ass dog-like creature to bring it on. He landed on the deck�which then turned into a boxing ring and he must have had some sort of extreme magical power because he took the form of �Uncle Buck� star John Candy. When we both realized that our swords were too short for dueling to the death, we both decided it would be advantageous for both of us to settle this the old fashion way�by having a dance-a-thon. I knew that my endurance was probably a little bit better than 400 lb John Candy�s and before the lights went out and the music started I told him that I was going to �smoke his ass like Canadian Bacon.� (Canadian bacon�a tasty treat, but a shitty-ass movie)

The music started and that is when I woke up�at 6:04am. Needless to say I was scared, but the thought of having frosted flakes for breakfast was more than enough motivation for me to get out of bed and get moving. I am now here at work, waiting for 9:00 so I can go help some chumps put together a packet of budgetary things. At least I have an Internet connection today. I went all day yesterday without being able to go online. It was torture I say�complete and utter torture.

Diaryland