grossest thing

THE GROSSEST THING I EVER SAW

You know, it�s tough to say something is the grossest thing ever, but I have come close by my standards. Gross is a relative term which is why what I�m about to describe is the grossest thing that I personally have seen. You may think it�s totally normal, which, if that�s the case, you have issues.

So, I�m minding my own business watching the crappiest TV possible which is something I don�t normally do, but I had pre-poed* all my stuff early so I had little to do in the evening hours.

*Pre-poed is short for pre-positioned. This all started with my Dad, who has a pre-positioning routine every day before he goes to bed. This includes setting the coffee maker, setting out clothes, making lunch, and having his briefcase at the door ready to walk out. Now that I have moved out of the house, I have adopted my fathers method and taken it one step further by shaving my face right before I hop into bed to save me that much more time in the morning. My morning routine is down to an absolute routine and if it�s broken, it throws off my whole day.

Ok, so I�m flipping through the channels and stumble across a basketball game, only there are four trampolines set up at each end of the basketball court. They are set into the ground and are used to make impressive dunks, blocks, etc. This is apparently a new sport titled �Slam Ball.� I�m not sure why I decided to stay tuned to watch this�maybe it was the trampolines. They were having try-outs for the new season and were showing training camp, selection process and all that good stuff. They showed them getting accustomed to the trampolines and bouncing safely onto a mat, or the floor. There is something quite amusing about watching a 6�7� man go sky-high on a trampoline. Before one of the commercial breaks, they say to stay tuned because next they are going to show one of the recruits have a horrible accident. What do I do, you ask? I stay tuned. So, they come back to Slam Ball and they�re showing people in line waiting for their turn to do some sort of obstacle course, and in the background you hear this loud-ass BOOM. The camera turns to show this man lying on his side, his back facing the camera. This image isn�t very disturbing, however, looking more closely, you can see that his foot has been completely shattered at the ankle. You know this because his foot has basically been snapped off minus some skin. I could see bone people�BONE.

Lists of things that Eric NEVER wants to see:

#1. Human bone (while said human is still alive)

#2. Adam Sandler movies

I turned away while they zoomed in on the foot. I had no clue they were allowed to show this kind of crap on TV. I know they show surgeries on TLC and everything, but that�s different. In all honestly, I have been drawn in to some of the surgeries. My favorite was this woman being operated on and they had put a tiny camera inside her hoo-ha and the surgeon was commentating. The best line was �hey so and so, can you move that ovary out of the way.�

Regardless, I turned away from the TV and then when they came back they did a further explanation of what had actually happened. The guy had bounced off the trampoline, was clueless as to where he was in the air and landed with all of his weight on his one foot, that happened to be turned inwards, so basically the first thing that hit the ground was his ankle bone (hence the ankle snapping like a dry twig). I did not continue watching to see if his foot needed to be amputated. Not being a doctor, I�m not even sure if that was a possibility. Anyway, the whole thing was nauseating. May I never see anything like that ever again�but if I do, I will share and you can then tell the story about the �grossest thing you�ve ever read.�

My day is going by slowly, and there�s two more hours left in the day. I had a diet coke with lemon with my lunch today which I knew was a bad idea but I couldn�t remember how much it sucked so I bought it and had to suffer through 20oz of diet coke that was blasted with pledge.

I�m thinking about entering a tennis tournament here in DC. It�s sponsored by a gay and lesbian tennis association and they have this big international tournament every summer. Root for me! I actually reserved a court at the park where the tournament is played and got to see some of it last year. It was amusing to see that only about 25% of the players there were actually there to play tennis. The other 75% were there to look cute in their tennis ensemble, and then scream like a woman if someone hit the ball too hard. I�m not sure if you have to be a member of the association to play. I guess I will soon find out.

All right, I�m outta here. I need something to drink.

e.