2003-07-14 - 9:46 a.m.


 

Camp

Gymnastics camp tomfoolery #1

Back in the day, about 6 or 7 years ago, I used to compete in junior Olympic gymnastics. I was pretty serious about it and had been doing it since I was 5. I loved competing and every summer for two weeks or so, I �d go away to a training center. They called it camp, but it was more like being warped into a former Soviet training center since most of our coaches would be from any of the former soviet republics and Romania. Halfway through our first week, I get up, showered, got dressed and headed for the gym to warm up. Punctuality, along with being masochistic was one of the most important qualities to have if you were to survive.

I arrive early to warm up and while being stretched out by Boris, or Oleg, or something along those lines, I notice that my underwear is carrying more weight than it really should, and something is stuck to my butt cheeks that shouldn�t be. My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as I realized that soon we would be doing splits, running, and other activities that would probably cause this mystery object to fall out of my pants and land on the floor. I flexed my butt a couple of times just to make sure that there was in fact, something there and I wasn�t just hallucinating.

I was not hallucinating.

Here I am, 13 years old, warming up so that these jokers can toss me around, and I have just found out that I shit my pants. I can only imagine the reaction this would get. I was going through various scenarios in my head and the one that kept sticking was the one of them forgetting that we were not in a country with communist rule and I would be forced to turn in my family to the secret police, and then they would beat the ever-loving crap out of me.

It has not yet crossed my mind that I could very easily run to the bathroom and figure out what�s going on down there and fix the problem before anyone catches wind of the situation. My catching wind, I mean smelling the crusty shit that is now stuck to my ass.

Finally I get the idea to go to the bathroom and find out what the dilly is. While walking to the bathroom, I�m thinking about what I ate last night that would cause such an occurrence, and I don�t remember every shitting in my pants while I slept, so I cannot imagine when this actually happened. The only things I had to eat the night before were M&Ms and pizza. Not that those things could not cause some problems as far as digestions was concerned, but this seems far too calm to have caused my undies to be painted with my own personal brown crayon.

I get to the bathroom and drop my shorts and underwear. I wrap my hand in toilet paper to remove the parasitic brown nugget. I reach around, feel something kinda crinkly, and peel something away from my inner cheek. I turn around to discover that in between my ass was a plain M&M wrapper that had some how been dropped into my bag and tangled itself into my underwear. To this day, I have no clue how I put those bitches on without noticing that there was an M&M wrapper in my underwear.

Well, I was relieved to know that I had not shit my pants, and I walked out the bathroom door to what was soon to be another day of pain, suffering, and trampolines.

Diaryland