2003-07-23 - 10:13 a.m.


 

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All right people, it�s back to the roots�back to what makes me, me. It�s time for another list and/or explanations of stupid things I do or little foibles that make my life interesting and are usually only witnessed by yours truly. I have come to the conclusion that the last entry sucked harder than gay porn. I would rather give a cat highlights then go back to it, so let�s just pretend it never happened.

Things I do for no good reason, but strike me as funny every time I do them:

1) I always, always, always flush the toilet before I have finished peeing. Why, you ask? My theory is that I don�t like people being able to hear the sound of me peeing and if I flush the toilet while in mid-pee it will cut down on the time I�m making the pee sound for all to hear. It wouldn�t be so bad, but I do it when I�m home alone, or at a urinal where the pee sound is significantly cut down since there�s not a big pool of water for the pee to be splooshing around in.

2) I don�t like sneezing in front of people. I�m going to go out on a limb here and say that I�m not the only one who does not enjoy this. Since I don�t like the loud noise to be heard, I close my mouth and make a noise like something exploded far away. This actually tends to bring more attention then the actual sneeze would.

3) When I�m listening to my MP3 player on the streets of downtown D.C. I have a fear that someone is going to come running up behind me and smack me in the head with a baseball bat. This causes me to keep turning around like I just heard someone say my name.

4) No one calls me at work except for the occasional ring from my Mom or Dr. C. Of the two offices that I have, the phone only rings in one of them. The other cube I call my home has a phone and the phone is right up against the wall that I share with another cube dweller. Well, his phone must be at the same place on the other side of the wall because when his phone rings, even though I know it�s not mine, I always think it is. There�s a light on the phone that would flash if it were, in face, my phone. Knowing good and well the light is not flashing, I still put my ear really close to the phone because that�s the only way to realize that it�s the phone in the other cube. While doing this, I tend to make a somewhat surprised expression since my phone never rings. I look at my phone like I�m watching a rubber chicken come to life. I�m amazed, fascinated, and a little worried what it might do to me.

5) As I�m driving down the highway I have to fight the urge to a) throw my wallet out the window, b) run into the jersey wall, or c) pull up on the emergency brake while going 80mph. This makes me sound like a raging lunatic, but I assure you, I�m a good driver. I may drive at a little big of a fast pace for some people, but as far as weaving in and out of cars, honking, etc., I don�t do those things. I invite you to drive with me in my car. You'd probably notice that I listen to too much dance music, but I don't carry the look of someone who would randomly throw things out the window besides my cigarette butts. This is more along the lines of a neurosis thing and not something I find amusing every time I do it, although I do like to imagine what would happen if I did any of the three things mentioned above.

I�m sure there are more things, but those are the ones that I tend to notice the most. I hope Pork Tornado is enjoying his tee shirt. This weekend I have to help a friend move which does not excite me as manual labor is something I like to avoid like Japanimation. It�s 10 o�clock or so, and I hate work like a fat kid hates a diet. I hope this has somewhat made up for the disappointing entry that, from this moment on, will never be mentioned again�by ANYONE!

It�s time for me to do a cartwheel.

Eric

Diaryland