random things

Things witnessed/overheard recently:

1. This morning on the metro this military mother was reading this tiny-ass Bible. I�m guessing he finished whatever verse or chapter or book or whatever because he proceeded to close the book, kiss it, and then put it back in his bag. He then frantically searched for it again, but this time pulling out a secondary �Bible companion� I�m guessing because it seemed to me like he was doing some cross-referencing. There�s nothing like religious research to get me going in the morning. I don�t think he kissed the book when he put it back in his bag, nor did he kiss the Bible again. He�s probably going straight to hell.

2. While walking downtown yesterday I noticed this man was headed straight for a parking meter. Rather than say something I just let him go for it (I was too far away for him to hear me anyway). Mother ran straight into it. *THUNK* That has to hurt...honestly.

My boss seems to think this spreadsheet I�m keeping for him will be the death of us all. It�s tracking financial information and every time I meet he says �you�ve got to stay on top of that�because this is going to KILL US.�

I can picture little numbers carrying daggers and running off my screen trying to track me down. Fuckin� numbers! I�LL GET YOU!!!!

The conversations I have with the gopher* over the phone are quite amusing sometimes. The seem to go from work to him saying some random stupid thing that just makes me shut up and not want to talk anymore�not that he usually makes me want to tell him my life story, but at least I don�t usually have the urge to hang up the phone on him in mid-syllable. A recent communication via the phone:

*Gopher= my boss.

Gopher: Eric I need you over here to take care of some stuff for me (i.e. Eric, I have this bitch work that no one wants to do and since you�re the youngest person within a 10 mile radius, we�re giving it to you!)

Me:�.

Gopher: Ok, so when do you think you�re coming over to our building?

Me: Soon.

Gopher: You know, I wish I were rich instead of handsome.

*long pause*

Me: Um, I�ll see you in a few. *click*

My parents got back from California last night and I called them around 10:00 to see how their trip was. I figured since they were just coming back they would be kinda wired and up for some talking as my mom usually is when they get back from a trip, especially when it involves seeing family. They are usually in bed or close to it by 10:00 so when no one picked up after three rings I figured that they were either a) outside so my Mom could smoke after being on a long flight or b) they were so tired from the trip they were out of commission. The answering machine was about to pick up so I hung up. The answering machine is always a source or trouble for my father, who could sleep through a nuclear attack. My mother wakes up at the sound of a pin dropping on a pillow so when she hears the machine go off she has t wake up my dad and let him know what�s going on and their conversations tend to go like this:

*This is --- ---- leave a message please�BEEP*

Mom: *in a loud whispery voice* Chuck, WAKE UP�it�s the answering machine.

Dad: mmmm?

Mom: *in a louder whispery voice* It�s the answering machine pick up the PHONE!

Dad: Mmmm?

Mom: Chuck, pick up the phone.

Dad: *looking at the clock, squinting*

By this time, the caller has left a message and there is usually a five-minute grace period before a call back is initiated if, indeed, the call was important enough. The phone ringing or the answering machine going off has caused my father to:

1. Be VERY confused by the sound of his voice.

2. Caused him to shut off his alarm, or at least try.

Well, I think that�s about all I have in me for this morning. Today should prove to be rather boring. I�m going out to my office�s headquarters for a �workshop� on handling your first year at the company. One of my co-workers says, �that�s great, and we�ll get to meet other people that work here,� to which I replied, �Um, honey, they work in Fairfax, that�s 40 minutes away. We�ll never see these bastards again. They mean nothing to me.�

e.